Voices in my head.
I just want you to know that I've been hearing voices since I was 7. It's weird and pretty scare. I don't know who are they but I know they are like a hundred inside my head. I could remember when I was scolded by my mother because I didn't finish my homework, I ran at the back of our house and sit there for some time. I was just staring at the ground and talking with my friends inside my head. They are telling me something to pretend about having an invisible playmate just to make me feel fine. I didn't do it because there were also voices telling me not because it isn't fun. It would just make me look like crazy.
I just want you to know that I am hearing voices. I don't know if it is just me with my conscience or there are really people in my head. When I saw the movie Despicable Me, I named them minions. Sometimes they can be helpful, and sometimes they are so stressful. When it comes to decision making, there are always cons and pros. It is like they are having a meeting and debating which is which. While I, myself, I am separated from them. It seems that I have my own world inside my mind.
I am writing this because I know that when I wake up, the feeling is going to be different. My minions are going to be different. Since internet became a boom, my minions were really active during dawn. I don't know some are experiencing this. That is why, during dawn, I am having suicidal thoughts. I could sit for how many hours and just listen to my minions.
Am I sick? Half of my minions say yes and half of them plus myself say no. Maybe I am just so stressed out and feeling alone. Sometimes, I really want to give up because even though I am not doing anything, my minions make me feel exhausted.
Moreover, I became paranoid. After the series of unfortunate events in my life, I became paranoid. I fear people, I fear crowd, I fear human being. I am torn between wanting to live alone or have a friend beside me. Or maybe disappear.
Time is 1:46AM and during this time, I usually send dramatic message for my boyfriend and regret. Regret because some of my minions would tell me that it was a wrong move. I am tired. So much tired, that I don't want to wake up.
I keep pushing people away but at the same time, I want them to stay.