When you don't know what to feel.
I don't know if I am PMS-ing making my hormone rage up into random directions or my intuitions are becoming better than before. It's weird because everything went pretty absurd and I don't know what happened. It's driving me crazy and it makes me fall apart and breaks into pieces.
I know that it is not the perfect time to vent out my soul of being a drama queen because everyone is under pressure. People are focusing in their priorities and on what should they do because they are humans too. But given a cold treatment (as I have assumed) from the person who means everything to you is exceptional. I have never been vocal to my thoughts and when I do, I won't stop blabbering about everything. That is why, writing is my therapy.
I am just afraid that maybe all the things that I've completely believed in are going to be a total bullshit. I have given up my principles, myself and have given up my heart. I am also afraid that everything that happened from the past will happen again. I've been there. I know the feeling. Or maybe because that person is under pressure, he'll set you aside and will just come back when everything is back to places without even a word. As I have noticed, it is what people have been doing lately. When they are pressured, they tend to be selfish and forget anything else in the world. So where's the team now.
Over reacting can be my specialty and I can't help it by ugly cry on what I am feeling now. It's like I want to run away, escape this bullshit and disappear forever. This is what I hate being attached to someone because I am an extra clingy cat. It really hurts when you both don't talk about it something.
I want everything be back to normal. If it won't then I guess I will take the other road. I am a worthless person, I can ever be.