Breaking up with you convictions.


So things have gone way too far from what I have expected and what I want it to be. All in my life, I have setting up my principles both spiritually and as a realist. But as I grow up, they are slowly breaking and breaking. I slowly destroyed my fences and forgotten about guarding my heart. As I grow up, I bent with the universe and let temptations sink me down to the ground.

"This is not me" I keep repeating to myself. This is not me. Because I have broken my convictions and let myself out of control. I lost my way. I am out of focus. 

I don't know what to think. I don't now what to feel. I don't know what to do. Because the things that I am telling everyone that destroys me has already destroyed me. I didn't see it coming. I was pretty careless and let the wind brush through my feelings and made it fly away.

I can say, I am such a disappointment. To my friends who've known my convictions too well. To my family who trusted me with love. And to myself who is trying to fix herself from the past. And the one thing I've been fighting and keeping it for long, I've already broken it.

I know that someday, I will be accepting all of these but let me drown myself with the pain and disappointments I am feeling right now. I have to sulk my heart to all of these so that by the next time I will face these, it is all clear enough that these are not what I want.

I have to write this as my passage from reality. I am sorry, self, I am such a disappointment.

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