Being uncomfortable in my comfot zone.
There are times that I become uncomfortable with my comfort zone. I don't know if this is normal for people who are in their early 20 something or just my hormones. Or probably, I am just bored because classes aren't starting yet. I've been asking people on how do they picture their selves in their future life. Half of them answered confidently while the other half made into a past tense. One said, "If only I took *insertcourse* here, then probably I would be a *insterprofessionhere*" But when I was asked the same question, it took me awhile to answer it. Like a cliche, I told her, "Five years from now I will be a doctor."
That line was like programmed in my mind since I was a kid because it is what my folks want me to be. Well, what they want for me is what's good for me. If they are happy on what they are doing, I am also happy. Then on, anything that is connected from them became my comfort zone. I also developed the skill of relying my happiness on the happiness of others. So if you're going to ask me if what makes me personally happy, it is something that deals with other people. I thought it was a norm but when I set my foot on the real world, it is totally different. I can see people following their dreams and doing whatever they want with their life. I can see that they are completely happy about it. Are they going to the right path? Are they successful in their life? Well, some of them went through a very hard phase before they got the sweetest fruit. However, there are some failed. So I assumed that they are still on their "hard phase" and sooner or later they will be on the top.
Making decisions for my self is difficult for me because I have to tag my folks before making one. And sometimes I become stubborn on making decisions because I know it will just be disapproved. If ever it will be approved and it is something against their will, I will still take the blame and suffer. I don't know if they are going to catch me since it is what I want. So yeah, I'd rather stick to my comfort zone and follow the rules.
If I will place my fancy dreams in that circle "where magic happens", that would probably about arts, food and literature. Something to do about media like scriptwriting, directing or journalism. I can also place hotels, restaurants or companies. Anything creative will do.
Maybe right now, my struggle of being uncomfortable of my comfort zone is my "hard phase". I have to finish what my folks want for me and if I am mature enough to face any consequence, I would be able to reach that circle. It will took years to get out but I know it is worth the fight.