Half way there.
So let me vent out the emotions right now like how Jenna of Awkward (with facial expressions while typing) updates her blog with her mishaps and wonders in life. I have this perfect timing of talking things that run in my mind because I am pms-ing.
Anyway, I am in great dismay because I can't get into the school that I really want for Med School. My NMAT grade isn't high as their cut off because I am "dumb". How I wish I was good in Math and the Inductive Reasoning but no. I already passed my second NMAT grade in that school but still, I am receiving a no because there are other kids who are higher than me and it is who they prioritize. Well, how I wish they would look at my grades in college or my license and consider it for interview. Again, no.
So I am having these thoughts that maybe Medicine is not for me. Maybe there is something greater than Medicine that is prepared for me. Maybe I have to widen my eyes and look at the side which I can fit. But, but, I want to take Medicine and become a doctor. I want to have that degree in the school that I want.
Well, here are my reasons why:
- It is in that university where I took my pre-med. Basically, I am also an alumni.
- It is where my father graduated with a Law degree.
- Well, he is a true blood in that university since kindergarten up to college.
- And so are his siblings.
- It is just situated within the city, plus it is near to my father's office.
- I want to stay near to my family because they need me. (parents are already weak, esp. father)
- Speaking about my father, he is sick and since I am the oldest child, I am the one who is tasked to buy his medications late at night, aid him at home if he can't walk and can do favors for him that are related to his work. I know, Medicine is a busy life but I can still do things for my father.
- We aren't fortunate with money. Yes, my father is a lawyer but it doesn't mean we are bountiful of pesos. We rent an apartment to live in. We have credits. I have a younger sister who is eight years older than me. So, we could barely afford for another Medical School. Well, probably we can but it will give a hard time for my father plus he is sick.
- My sister needs me. She is struggling with her studies in school. I have to help her.
- My mother also needs me.
- I want to become a doctor so that I can treat my parents. They don't have to pay for the consultation because I will be the one to treat them. Maybe we can spend a little bit with medications.
- I also want to help my relatives who are also sick. Because if I will become a doctor, I will be the first one in the family to attain a Medicine degree.
- I want to make my parents happy. Being a doctor is one of my father's frustrations because during his time, there was no Medicine in the city. You have to go to the next island to study. They were also unfortunate of bountiful pesos that time.
- If I am already fortunate of money, I want to do medical missions for the unfortunate.
- It is my dream. I have my family as my inspiration.
As much as I want to kneel down in front of the admission committee and give me this conditional enrollment or to have an interview with them, I refuse to do it. Well, it is because I don't want to force something that maybe I am not destined of. Maybe my "push" isn't on the right track. Maybe I excel on other schools and I can make my parents more proud on me.
I know I am half way there. I am half way to my dream. I applied in two other schools, crossing my fingers would accept me. Wherever God takes me, I know I can make it. I may have a small grade in NMAT, I believe that this won't be the basis for MedSchool. I believe that it is the perseverance and the desire in becoming a great doctor. I am not giving up on this and I will never will. Like what Justin Bieber sings, "never say never."